my response to culture and life shock in the united states was to deliberately believe in everything. i embraced fanaticism on purpose. a few people can attest to this.
before that i embraced commodity and gender and nakedness and youth and psychonautic drug opportunities at random.
before that i thought i embraced something, but that is my family and not so much a part of this persona. a devoid and ubiquitous persona in as much a devoted and opportunistic one. on top of the observer or predominant possessor. of the body.
but now the detritus of that experiment is in my closet. like a food stack of some dimension that is intended to represent the amount of food person X could need to last some predetermined time. but it is paper and fit only for the dead. because we assume that ghosts prefer representations as much as the real thing.
i no longer have any sentimental attachment to them as i am no longer the person i was being. or, at least, i am no longer being a person who views the world as that other person would. or did. so i know that there will be at least three people at the paper supper.
